The Art of Engagement

Dennis Weiss
8 Min Read

Are you looking to up your dating game and learn how to attract the right kind of women? Interested in mastering the art of seduction and learning how to engage dates in meaningful conversation while leaving a positive impression?

Whether you have a crush on someone or you’re just venturing into the world of dating, there are proven ways to maximize your chances at finding love.

This special article is dedicated to just that: helping you avoid dates that crash and burn so you can find that special someone who is meant for you.

So without further delay, let’s get started!

The Art of Engagement

It’s easy to get excited when meeting someone we see as a potential partner and wanting to spill everything.

So we end up oversharing… and then what happens?

She ends up sitting there listening to you talking incessantly about yourself, all the while you believe you’re simply lowering your guard and doing your best to engage, she’s either bored, annoyed or both.

We’ve all done it so don’t feel bad if you identify with this scenario.  Sometimes we catch it early enough to back-track and do damage control by reverting the conversation back to her so we can show her that we’re truly interested.

Other times, we fail to recognize how we’re dominating the conversation and the date ends with little chance of ever hearing from her again. It’s like a job interview. Blow it and it’s over.

Learning to communicate takes work.  It’s not something we’re all naturally gifted with.  Sure, we know how to ask all the right questions and we certainly know how to talk about ourselves but a deep conversation that leaves both people feeling satisfied isn’t always as easy as we may think.

The key is to listen just as much as we share.

Yeah, I know. You’ve probably been told that you should simply do all the listening, but the truth is a great conversation is about both of you putting in an equal effort.  It’s a give and takes exchange where each person is truly invested in getting to know one another.  It’s never one-sided.

You want to share the spotlight so you can be sure she feels that you’re genuinely interested in everything she has to say, rather than throwing out a round of rapid-fire questions only because you think you’re expected to do so.

Because nothing turns a woman off more than a disengaged man who is wrapped up in conversational narcissism.

Leaving a positive impression where she thinks of you long after the date ends comes down to being authentic and charming.  And believe me, any man can learn these skills.

Here are a few tips that will help you master the art of conversation and leave her wanting more:

Avoid Boring, Stock Questions

Asking “What do you do for fun?” isn’t just uncreative but it’s flat out boring.  Those kinds of questions won’t leave her captivated or even remotely engaged. They lack thought and quite simply, they feel scripted.

Sure, you can use these traditional questions as a starting point, but they need to be designed so they lead to more in-depth, engaging questions.  The initial stock question should give you the chance to press further so that follow-up questions are more thought-provoking.

Just remember, you never want to feel as though you’re interrogating her.  Share as much as she is.  Match her pace and comfort level.  And tailor the conversation to her rather than making the mistake of following a one-strategy-fits-all approach.

Example:  A standard question might be “Where did you grow up?”, and then a far more thought-provoking follow-up question could be, “Does that place still feel like home to you?” or “What was your favourite thing about living there?”

Lead with a Compliment

Don’t listen to anyone who tells you that leading with a compliment is lame or cheesy.  If it’s a genuine compliment, rooted in truth, it’ll make her feel good about herself and simultaneously help her lower her guard and feel comfortable.

Obviously avoid anything sexual.  You want to compliment her in a way that doesn’t sexualize her in any way, especially if it’s your first date.  Sexy, flirty compliments will come later.  For now, start by showing her you’re paying attention by complimenting her in a way that not only disarms her but leaves her wanting more.

Come Armed & Ready

Before your next date, think about the type of questions you could ask her.  Brainstorm stories you can share and think about the types of topics she is likely interested in.  Even if you don’t know much about her, there are tried & true topics that will peak nearly everyone’s interest.

Just avoid the obvious triggers:  income, sex, politics and religion.

Go Deep

We’re all guilty of engaging in surface-conversation.  Small talk and discussions that barely graze the depths of anything deeply fulfilling.  It’s easy to ask her how she likes her job, right?  There’s one of those stock questions you want to avoid. Instead, ask her what her greatest challenges are in her career, or what she feels will change in her chosen profession.

Dig deeper but do so carefully. Don’t pry if you get the impression that she’s not comfortable talking in great depth about certain topics.

At the same time, by engaging her in conversation that goes beyond the formalities of casual banter, you’re demonstrating a real interest in getting to know who she really is and what makes her tick.

Take Your Time

Well, thought out responses and questions will go the distance so slow things down and think before you speak.

Most foot-in-mouth moments happen because we’re too busy responding without being thoughtful. You can easily avoid this by pausing briefly so you can collect your thoughts and give her a genuine answer to her questions that you won’t later regret.

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